Cowards of the county: Your 2008-09 San Jose Sharks

I cannot begin to express in words what I feel about the Sharks right now. They are undoubtedly the most disappointing team I've ever rooted for, and keep in mind that I am a devout follower of the Golden State Warriors.

I saw this coming. I wrote on March 5th, that it was time to panic. I didn't even heed my own wisdom. I guess that's where blind love and fanaticism gets you.

Since I an unable to express myself in a constructive manner, I will let various sportswriters do my talking for me. If you're a masochistic Sharks fan, let your stomach keep churning:

Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle:

"The first act of the Sharks' postmortem ought to be for ownership to buy one arena-sized Presidents' Trophy banner - and 15,000 souvenir versions for each player, coach, investor, season-ticket holder and media member - with the bold legend, "Because we're all stupid."

"...they should all enjoy those Presidents' Trophy banners. Especially if they're made from the same material as ShamWows. At least that way, you can mop up a spill with them."

Mark Purdy of the San Jose Mercury News:

"Perhaps the Sharks did not look at that Presidents' Trophy closely enough. Did they check the fine print? Maybe the trophy was named in honor of William Henry Harrison — the U.S. president who died of pneumonia on just his 32nd day in office. Even so, William Henry lasted 20 days longer than the Sharks did this spring as presidential standard bearers.

The Sharks were supposed to be built to handle anything. They couldn't even handle the top line of the eighth-seeded Ducks or their previously anonymous, inexperienced Swiss goalie.

After such a rancid display — one that basically took dynamite to the carefully formed how-to-win-a-Cup philosophy of Sharks General Manager Doug Wilson — the next steps for him and the franchise will not be easy. Or simple.

Well, except for one part. It's hard to fathom that Patrick Marleau can remain with the Sharks. He has to be traded..."

Tim Kawakami also of the Merc:

"The Sharks' best two players aren't leaders, aren't even wax-dummy approximations of leaders, and every spring we see the price the franchise pays for it.

I've been around a few winning teams (though not in the Bay Area recently!), and the essential element never varies: The best players are also the emotional leaders.

It's time for Marleau and Thornton to be broken up. They should have been broken up last year, but Wilson gave them one more chance because that was the easy choice."

Scott Burnside of ESPN.com:

"At the start of the playoffs, we posed this question about the San Jose Sharks: If not now, when?

And in the wake of yet another stunning playoff collapse, the answer seems patently obvious: Never.

At least not until dramatic changes are made with a franchise that has become California's hockey answer to baseball's Chicago Cubs.

The culture of losing is deeply embedded in this team. Ownership will need a strong stomach if it wants to change the pattern. Many owners lack that kind of stomach. We'll see what kind of stuff ownership is made of, or whether it will be more of the same in the Choke Tank."

More March sports takes....

-- The Sharks lost again last night. This time on the road in Vancouver 3-1. Another uninspired effort by San Jose. The floundering squad managed only 29 shots on net (the exact amount they've been averaging over their past 8 games... hmmm...

-- Only Dan Boyle (9), Patrick Marleau (3), and newcomer Travis Moen (3) managed more than 2 shots on goal

-- They may be on a big slide, but it's no fault of Boyle's. The defenseman logged an otherworldly 30 minutes of ice time against the Canucks.

-- Joe Pavelski has been the Sharks' best player over the past month. He does everything you could ask of a player. He scores, backchecks well, kills penalties, blocks shots, and despite his smaller stature, never backs down. Good man, Little Joe.

-- Anyone else flabbergasted that Terrell Owens ended up in Buffalo? Even after knowing about it for 6 hours, seeing him in a Bills hat at that press conference made me do three or four double takes.

-- This is a great move for the Bills. With 90 year-old owner Ralph Wilson eyeing the more lucrative Toronto market, the Bills needed to make a splash somehow. ESPN will now have to pay attention to Buffalo. Good for them. The best things to happen to the city of Buffalo in the last 10 years are the Sabres getting hosed in the '99 Stanley Cup Finals and the movie Bruce Almighty.

-- If Trent Edwards continues where he began last year and their offensive line improves, Buffalo might put up some points. Marshawn Lynch, Lee Evans, and TO ain't bad!

-- Does anyone know exactly where all this Raiders/49ers Owens speculation came from? Is this really what it's come down to? Real sports journalists speculating that Owens would end up with the Raiders because Al Davis is the only one crazy enough to do it? As for the Niners... even the Yorks aren't dumb enough to bring back TO. The guy spit in our faces on his way out of town (just like everywhere else he's been).

-- As of Friday, the San Francisco Giants and Kansas City Royals were leading Spring Training with 17 homers apiece. In case you were wondering if Spring Training is an indication of anything... there's your answer.

-- The Giants made the best move of their offseason by releasing Dave Roberts. His absurd $7M salary is still owed to him, but at least now the Giants can give a more productive player or youngster a roster spot.

-- Interesting moves by the A's this offseason by bringing in Orlando Cabrera and Nomar Garciaparra. Wouldn't it be ironic if this was the season that Bobby Crosby finally broke out? I mean, he was working out and hitting with Mark McGwire all offseason...

That means he's probably stronger and has a better approach at the plate. The A's would love to move him and his $5.25M salary, but won't be able to unless the Yankees make a desperate move. There are rumors that they will try to trade for Crosby or KC's Mark Teahen to play 3rd base until A-Rod gets back. That, or Oakland will have to eat part of his salary, something they don't want to do.

-- The Warriors mess is worse than ever. Don Nelson is positioning himself for a hasty exit. No one knows when it will be, but it will be within the next 6-8 months, I guarantee it. It's his M.O. He did it with the Dubs in the 1990's, did it with the Knicks, and he did it with Dallas.

Look at the things he's been doing lately:

-- Benching one veteran every game to give "the younger guys a chance to play". Hey Nellie, you had every opportunity to get the younger guys in the rotation earlier in the year. Instead you played Stephen Jackson 44 minutes a night.

-- According to the CC Times, he has basically made Jamal Crawford incredibly uncomfortable and angry. Evidently, Nelson has directly told Crawford to opt out of his deal (guaranteed almost $20 million) after the season or that he will be traded. If I'm Crawford, I say, "Alright you motherf---- trade me. I'm not opting out of sh--."

Honestly this was the stupidest thing Nellie has done in awhile. This is like the Knicks-Stephon Marbury thing. If a player is guaranteed a lot of money, the last thing you want to do is tell him to give up that money and try to force him out. Crawford is due the money either way. Now, the Warriors' have no leverage in negotiations with other teams and may have to take back an even worse contract to get rid of Crawford.

-- Monta Ellis is officially a malcontent. He didn't make the Warriors' disatrous 1-3 road trip to attend to family issues in Mississippi. However, there's more to the story. According to the CC Times' Marcus Thompson II, Ellis “has shunned huddles when he’s not in the game, been late to shootaround and practices without reason and–in moments of frustration on the court–has voiced a desire to be traded.”

I don't blame him for being pissed off. Although Crash is the one who ruined his ankle and lied about it, the Warriors should have backed him. Instead, they alienated him, suspended/fined him, and reserved the eternal right to void his $66 million dollar deal. That's not tough love, that's a way to piss off your franchise player.

With Bobby Rowell and Nellie forcing out Chris Mullin, who Monta has a good relationship with, there's no real motivation for Ellis to stay around or to even try to play again this year. He should just pull a T-Mac and shut it down for the year, killing his trade value. I wouldn't blame him at all.

Again, great job Nellie. Trying to bully players into submission doesn't work anymore, especially with guaranteed contracts and salary caps.

-- Oh yeah, the Warriors are totally unwatchable now. I can only view snippets of games and read recaps at this point. It's just too hard to take.

Ticketmaster & Live Nation: Worse than the Mafia

"Catch Blake Shelton and Jason Aldean at Oracle Arena, March 21st, featuring special guest, Luke Bryan! Visit the Oracle Box Office in Oakland or go to ticketmaster.com for tickets. It's the 'Hot Country Nights' tour..."

So easy enough, right?

So, I mosey my way on over to ticketmaster.com to check out the ticket prices. It's fairly difficult to catch a big country tour in the Bay Area in the Spring, so I plan on taking full advantage of this.

Once you look through all the related garbage they sell tickets to, you find your show, and click on "Find Tickets."

Then, you begin to get ANGRY:


You ask yourself, "How the hell am I supposed to do that? They are nonsensical letters grouped together with a bunch of lines running through them. It looks like a Serbian last name written by a drunk and then barfed on by his drunk friend. It's almost as if Ticketmaster is trying to prevent us from buying tickets...

I got it wrong three times before it let me through to the next page.

"Finally," I said. "I get to see the EFFING tickets."

But then, your relief is replaced by more frustration and anger as you see what these tickets will actually cost you.


If you can't see that, it is as follows for four tickets:


Ticket Price
US $45.00 x 4

Convenience Charge
US $11.30 x 4

Building Facility Charge
US $5.25 x 4

Each $45 ticket becomes a $61.55 ticket... FOR NO REASON!

Is it really that convenient to buy something online? Does Amazon.com charge you $11.30 warehouse storage fees to buy a CD or a texbook? The answer simply is no.

And did I mention the $2.50 fee for the ability to print out your own tickets at home, at your own expense? In addition, the only shipping option that is free is to have them mailed to you via USPS (or will call). Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Charge someone to print something at home, and don't charge for the option that costs them in paper tickets, ink cost, and postage. Total jerks.

This isn't any different for sporting events. For a San Jose Sharks game vs. Dallas next month at HP Pavilion, a single ticket with cost you $12.25 in fees. Ditto for a Bill Cosby show at the Paramount Theatre in Oakland: $10.25 in fees.

What's even scarier though, is that the only other significant online ticket distribution company, Live Nation, is in talks with Ticketmaster to merge, forming a basic monopoly on the ticket middleman business.

Most big tours and teams go through one of these companies already, but with only one giant option staring them in the face, you will be hard-pressed to evade these obscene ticket "convenience" charges in the future. If all you do is go to poetry slams or drum circles in doped up coffee shops in Berkeley, don't worry, you will be unaffected. But for the rest of us normal people, who enjoy baseball games and Jimmy Buffett concerts, we will be unable to escape the charges and incomprehensible gibberish code words.

UNLESS...

You literally drive to the box office of your choice. Yes. That's right. You get in your car, find somewhere to park, and walk up to the box office. Box offices are real, and every stadium and concert venue has one. Trust me, I checked.

Take this particular example we've been using. If I want to go to this redneck extravaganza in Oakland (I know, oxymoron), this is what I'd have to budget:

-- 37 minutes each way (traffic permitting)
-- 30 miles each way (60 miles @ 20 MPG)
-- 2 minute walk up stairs from parking spot
-- 2 minute conversation with jerk behind glass

Total cost: $45/ticket, $6.30 in fuel, an hour and a half, and a 2 minute conversation with a jerk behind glass.

That, my friends is the way to stick it to the man. Think about it, with that $16.55 you saved, you can dedicate $5 to the group for parking, $5.55 to the multiple cases of beer you'll all buy, and buy a $6.00 beer once you're in there.

Cheating the mafia Ticketmaster out of $17 of your hard earned dollars? Priceless.

I don't ask for boycotts very often-- unless it has to do with ripping me off (Ticketmaster) or refusing to help America in its time of need (France).

Please drive to the box office. If you don't want to, I'll do it for you. But... I will have to charge you a convenience fee and a fuel surcharge.




Please visit: TicketmasterSucks.org to support the cause. I stumbled upon this site looking for some sort of picture that expressed my displeasure with the situation.