Monday, June 06, 2005

49ers Video & Driving With the Windows Up

Hey Folks,

It's been awhile, but what can I say? I'm in summer mode, meaning I'm lazy as hell unless I have to work. I have been thinking of things to rant about though. I'm finally just putting it all together.

I know this went down over a week ago, but I officially have an opinion, and since actually viewing the tape, I can make a judgement. As you probably know, the obsessively PC media and general public have run wild with the 49er Training Video. There have been all sorts of outcries from gays, liberals, Chinese people, Volkswagen owners, lesbians, and those who don't like football or understand what exactly happened here. Basically, a poor decision was made to produce an immature tape that made fun of everyone. The thing is, FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE VIEWING THIS TAPE! It is a funny, entertaining way to get a bunch of overpaid meatheads to understand what you can and cannot do in dealing with the ridiculous media nowadays. Is it not ironic that the very thing that the tape is poking fun at is what occurred? The Chronicle and NY Times and every other leftist outlet running wild with this, caused widespread knowledge of this tape, when in reality it was not a big deal. This is a perfect example of something that is completely blown out of proportion and taken out of context. For those of you who have not seen the video, I suggest you try to. Most people I know would find it both amusing and entertaining, and despite its absurdity, the point it tries to make is reiterated time and time again throughout the film.

The film, starring the since-fired 49ers Public Relations director, Kirk Reynolds, is 15 minutes worth of repetitive nonsense, immature humor, with a dash of nudity and fun. Reynolds plays mayor in the film, constantly poking fun at radical leftist Mayor Gavin Newsom. Reynolds makes the same point throughout the tape and the overall message is the purpose of the tape: You must be careful with the media. Do not say or do anything controversial or offensive, because the sons of bitches will run with it, and you will hurt both yourself, and the team. THAT IS THE MESSAGE! The only problem with that is that the media did get a hold of it, and did just that. It is a funny tape for football players. It makes fun of a Chinese man with poor oral hygiene whose poor English causes him to say that "Joe Montana sign my balls" and "I love Andre Carter's sack" and that Tim Rattay hasn't been playing with the team much because of injuries and that he is mostly "just playing with himself" to which Reynolds quips, "No wonder his forearm is sore." This is just stupid stuff you guys, c'mon. Sure the bucktoothed Chinese guy with a bad grasp of the English language is a stereotype. However, stereotypes don't just form for no reason. Just think about that. The shit is funny, okay?

Reynolds then goes through dealing with diversity, where he pronounces two hot lesbians life partners, after they put on a display of their love. "Well, that's good enough for me," Reynolds quips after they make out sensually. Next, he does a mock interview with KPIX in which he does the whole Gavin Newsom thing again; all the same bullshit. "I love San Francisco. It's a great city. I love meeting the people and walking the street. I love the diversity." While Reynolds in giving the interview, two people drive by and yell things at him. "Fuck you Reynolds (Newsom)! You damn liberal! Get the hell out of here you communist!" The second guy nearly gets into a scuffle with Reynolds, all while being interviewed. Again, the shit is just funny.

Next Newsom, errr... Reynolds charges an exorbitant meal of filet mignon, caviar, and champagne to the taxpayers, and tells players how to deal with women in the locker room. "Remember there are women in the locker room," Reynolds says as he's getting out of the shower, "So remember to cover up." He does this while some naked babes get in, and subsequently proceed to do makeup naked with each other with Reynolds standing next to them in a towel. Reynolds ends the film with a little gropefest with the chicks.

There you have it in a nutshell. A stupid film meant for meatheads that tells them not to be idiots with the media. Again, the irony is thick. Honestly, I found the film funny, and I like naked chicks, so that was a plus too. I mean, what the hell right? It pokes fun at a Mayor who would rather pose for GQ and defy laws that are inconsistent with his radical ideology, and pokes fun at funny Chinese people, all while mixing in some hot chicks. This is what football players relate to, and this is why it was made. A bad decision? Perhaps. It sure looks that way, since ex-GM Donahue dropped it off at the Chronicle, a paper famous for tearing down Bay Area athletes and its sports teams. Regardless, at face value, the tape is stupid and funny, and not 10 seconds go by without it mentioning the real purpose which is: "You have to be careful what you say and do in San Francisco, because the media will crucify you, and label you homophobic, racist, or stupid.

This is the latest black eye on this once proud franchise. After 5 Superbowls and model football, it has been nothing but upheaval, shitty ownership, terrible coaching, terrible rosters, Terrible Owens, and terrible PR. The one thing about the tape is that it makes fun of Newsom. Although this is the funny part about it, it doesn't help when the 49ers are desperately trying to get a new stadium built. Candlestick err... MONSTER PARK (God, I want to vomit everytime I hear that), just ain't getting it done anymore. This is unfortunate, but Gavin Newsom needs to be made fun of. Hell, last year when he started marrying gays, I was THIS close to getting on a plane in Milwaukee, flying in, and making a citizen's arrest of that son of a bitch.

Anyway, regardless of the past, the Niners are looking to improve. We got a new coach in Mike Nolan who runs a tight ship, unlike that hack Erickson, and that fucker Donahue. We also had a decent draft with the #1 overall pick, QB Alex Smith and all-American lineman David Baas out of Michigan. If only we had a receiver, a secondary and a pass-rush. Hopefully they win more than 2 games next year. We'll see.

Okay, I got all that off my chest, now to another thing I've noticed. Sure, this may sound weird and stupid, but just hear me out. Regardless of the weather, people DO NOT OPEN THEIR CAR WINDOWS ANYMORE! It's really unbelievable that on a beautiful California 70 degree day that people hide inside their cars and don't get any fresh air. I mean, is there something wrong with having your window down? Is it just too much to bear? Fine, I understand, chicks don't want to mess up their hair and old people are afraid of going outside, but that leaves zero excuse for this. I'm telling you, air conditioning is a completely overused phenomenon. I don't know why, but 80 percent of drivers keep their windows up nowadays. Air conditioning is the first option for way too many people. The first thing I do when I get into my truck is roll both windows all the way down. I raise them up inch by inch if needed.

Look, air is a good thing. Is it not a great feeling to have clean, coastal wind flowing into you lungs and across you? Look people, just turn off the AC. It's summer in California, there's nothing better. And to those people who don't know what I'm talking about, the next gorgeous day, as you're driving around, just look at all the cars with their windows up. I'm right, and you know I am.

Baseball is in full swing. I dig the interleague action. NBA Finals are coming up, and I'm making hella money at work. Life is good. Booze up people. Later.