Monday, May 09, 2005

New Shows, Old Favorites...

Hey Folks,

There is nothing I like more than watching hours of my favorite television programs. 24, Jag, CSI (Vegas & Miami; I hate that Yankee version), Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, SportsCenter, Baseball Tonight, Beyond the Glory, The O'Reilly Factor, Simpsons, etc. Sunday night has always been a good TV night. Yet, I hadn't really watched it nearly as often as I had before. Fox ruined it!

First, they start King of The Hill way too early (another favorite of mine; I aspire to be Hank Hill). Then, after the ageless Simpsons, they experimented with a lot of bullshit, namely Malcolm in the Faggot. Malcolm in the Middle is the worst show I think I've ever seen. I mean it's up there with any number of cancelled sitcoms and all those terrible shows on the WB and the UPN. Frankie Muniz is a total pussy. He's like 17 and he's playing a fucking 12 or 13 year-old. The dad is ridiculously stupid, and the mom is a bitch. Each show that I catch for approximately 2-5 minutes until I'm disgusted, is about how poor they are, and them complaining, and the older kid being an idiot. The last show I saw, the parents were arguing over a pair of red shoes that the mom wanted and the older kid was swallowing pills for money. This kind of degenerative, stupid humor is not what I would follow the Simpsons with. Please! ANYTHING ELSE! For God's sake, I'd rather watch "That 70s Show" with that pretty boy liberal Ashton Kutcher. The thing about that is, I hate that show. Fox, get rid of that bitch Malcolm and his retarded family. And get rid of Arrested Development for good. That show is fucking terrible too.

THANK YOU FOX! YOU DID IT!!!! After absurd DVD sales and a massive cult following, you finally paid Seth MacFarlane and not only gave him his show back, but you threw in his other show for the hell of it. Yes folks. I'm talking about Family Guy & American Dad. Family Guy is the funniest, most ridiculous cartoon in history. It's edgy, it's hilarious, and it's an equal opportunity offender, which is great. I'm not really going to get into it, because most of you are familiar enough with the show. By the way, if you're not, you should have problems sleeping at night. Some good points from the first new episode:

New Animation: A lot of good action scenes and driving sequences... almost like a movie, especially when they're showing it from inside the car

Same characters: Most people are the same. Lois is still obsessed with sex, Chris is retarded, Meg is retarded, Stewie is great, Peter doesn't need an explanation. He totaled his station wagon reading a comic book about some idiot who's in love with hamburgers. Even the old man pervert with a black woman's voice made an appearance at the school dance. "Don't forget to stretch out them creamy hamstrings..."

New twist to Brian: Brian, America's smartest, hardest drinking, chain smoking dog has a new personality. He was reading Michael Moore's "Dude, Where's My Country", he drives a Toyota Hybrid with a 'Communist '04-- errrrrrrrr "Kucinich '04" sticker on the back. Who knew Brian the dog was a liberal? I didn't, but you know what, just like Joe Lipp, I can't hate the guy.

Anyway, Family Guy is back, better than ever and is better than its cancelled "replacements" such as: Titus, That 80s Show, Dark Angel, Greg the Bunny, Fastlane, Harsh Realm, The Pitts, Girls Club, American Embassy, Skin, Wanda at Large, Cedric the Entertainer, Firefly, Undeclared, The Lone Gunman... (all off the top of my head)

Good morning USA. American Dad is quite the concept. Is FOX no longer mainstream media? Is there really a cartoon about a meathead, ultra conservative, CIA agent? Yes. There is. The season premiere had a ridiculous plot, and far too many gay references for any normal person to sit through. I also am not too hot on the idea of a gay alien and a french fish. Don't give me that shit. The ALIEN IS GAY. This past episode (2nd one) the gay reporters (who the Dad immediately mentions are members of the 'liberal media') moved out, but the Alien is wearing makeup and wearing a dress. Just weird. However, the Dad is just too good. The W jokes, and the numerous references to good Republicans of seasons past (namely Reagan)are too good to ignore. The gay alien has to go...

Quote of the episode:
Haley: Why?
Dad: So you can be strong enough to fend off President Clinton's sexual advances!

Too Good.

Well, I'm going to admit it, I've found another new show that I like. No. Not Desperate Housewives. Although I'd watch it any day for that incredible Eva Longoria (DAMN YOU TONY PARKER). My new show is what comes after the Househookers. I'm talking about Grey's Anatomy.

Maybe it's supposed to be a chick show, whatever, I like it. The main character is Ellen Pompeo, otherwise known as Mitch's crush in Old School. No. Not Elisha Cuthbert. The other one. I think she's quite good looking, and real enough to think that she could be a normal person and not a TV character. She also has this other hot blonde chick as a co-star. The show has Sandra Oh in it too... apparently she's in the movie Sideways. She's not very good looking... really lacks facial features. Somehow she's been banging Isaiah Washington in the latex glove closet though... but I digress.

So there are 5 interns, who are basically doctors, but have to be considered interns while they learn surgeon's duties and the ins and outs of being in a hospital constantly. The show is just interesting. Each episode there are some compelling medical cases that are unique and probably have happened in real life. Today's episode had some idiot swallow his girlfriend's keys, a masochist who has his friend shoot him in the arm so he can get a cool scar (but ends up dying), and a 17 year-old who goes to Mexico to get a gastric bypass so she won't disappoint her mom with the Freshman 15. Then there was a 5 year old girl who had half her brain removed and the anesthesiologist passed out drunk in the OR. Then Meredith (Pompeo) is banging her boss, and all her intern housemates get mad at her. Anyway, I sound like a gossipping bitch. You get the idea, it's an entertaining show. Check it out, 10 pm, Sunday on ABC.

There you have it. Sunday night TV according to Dan. I really appreciate you guys reading this. Make sure you check out the 'Archives' section too. This is the third post, and the other ones are just as good, especially the Florida one. Give me some feedback. If you hate it, tell me. The next post will either be on NBA playoffs, banks, or how liberal USF is. These columns are coming pretty easily, so check back often. Until next time, keep it sleazy.