Hitler is a Buffalo Bills fan: Hilarious

Sorry I haven't written anything in a while folks. I'm on a bit of a sabbatical from everything... I've got a lot of good ideas building up though. Hopefully this hilarious video will tide you over. Hitler is a Bills fan, no wonder he was always so pissed off. Terrell Owens will do that to you.

If you are reading this on Facebook or an email newsfeed, click here. You will need sound.

The Jail Blazers Revisited

I just got finished reading about Buffalo Bills' Safety Donte Whitner, who was arrested at Ted Ginn's birthday bash in Cleveland last night. The Bills are now officially the 2005 Cincinnati Bengals. Once you have 3 guys (Ko Simpson, Marshawn Lynch being the others) get arrested in the span of a year, then add Terrell Owens, you've got lightning in a bottle. Expect fireworks.

That got me thinking. Anyone remember the Portland Jail Blazers of yesteryear's lore?

Ah yes, the most absurd group of dope smoking, wife-beating, salary stealing NBA players in history. With the help of Wikipedia and others, my memory has been sufficiently jogged. I had forgotten about half these guys, and I keep thinking, "Oh man! He was on there too? No way!"

And lest we forget that Portland has finally dug themselves out of this rut, albeit nearly 10 years later with purely even-keeled personalities that verge on lame. Hey, at least basketball is back in the Rose City.

Imagine having these guys at your house all at one time. Better keep the pepper spray handy!

This is the group of mongrels that nearly destroyed it. Granted they all didn't play together at one time and not all their offenses occurred while a Blazer, but this really is just establishing character:

Jermaine O'Neal - Nothing as a Blazer, but he didn't help matters... he went loco during the "Malice at the Palace" so I doubt he was a saint while he was there

Rasheed Wallace - Quite a body of work:

Led the league in technical fouls in 1999-2000 with 38, then broke his own record with 40 the next year; threatened sleazy then-referee Tim Donaghy on a loading dock and was suspended 7 games (huh, guess he was right about him!); Arrested in 1996 (while on Washington); arrested for dope possession; fined thousands of dollars by the NBA for boorish behavior over the years


Qyntel Woods - Plead guilty to animal cruelty charges for pit bull fighting. Also arrested for marijuana possession. Now plays in Poland.

Rod Strickland - Dope Smoker, bad teammate

Damon Stoudamire - Police arrived at Stoudamire's home because a burglar alarm was going off. Upon entering, they smelled dope. They found almost a pound of grass hidden in a crawlspace. Stoudamire was
arrested multiple times for dope possession while on the Blazers. He also tried to sneak an ounce of greenery through a Tuscon airport metal detector. Idiot.

Shawn Kemp - Has fathered 7 children out of wedlock (and the number is actually thought to be higher), and was once arrested for dope and blow possession.

Ruben Patterson - The biggest scumbag of all.

Patterson was signed after he plead no contest to sexual assault and was a registered sex offender while on the Blazers. He had attempted to rape his childrens' nanny. He also assaulted a man who scratched his car, as well as attacking his wife multiple times. Man of the year.

Dale Davis - Probably a big time stoner. Seriously. No way he wasn't.

Derek Anderson - The swingman was once "spotted in 2005... going through a drive-through window at McDonald’s while his team was playing a game at the Rose Garden."


Darius Miles - Used the "N" word toward his coach Mo Cheeks which Cheeks found offensive, suspended by the league for dope smoking, and is also one of the biggest wastes of God-given athletic ability in history


Bonzi Wells - Typical Jail Blazer. Bad teammate, quit on the team, smoked dope, said "...the fans don't matter to us" in an interview, and stripped of his captaincy after cussing out his coach


Zach Randolph - Arrested for smoking dope and driving, sucker punched his sex offender teammate Ruben Patterson in the face, breaking his eye socket, being lazy, and not playing defense. Oh yeah, and according to Oregonian reporter John Canzano, the cops were studying Randolph's MTV Cribs episode because known felons appeared to be lounging at Randolph's house.

My two favorite stories come courtesy of The Big Lead by way of Canzano:

"Whenever the Blazers sign a player to a 10-day contract the equipment manager provides the player with a free set of team-issue luggage. Sort of a welcome gift. Nothing incredibly fancy, but it’s way better than the stuff I have. So Omar Cook is signed a couple of years ago, and the luggage is placed in front of his locker. Cook was flying in from out of town, so he’s not there yet. Ruben Patterson, the team’s registered sex offender, sees the luggage, knows Cook isn’t around yet, and Patterson basically just decides he’s going to abscond the luggage. He just rips the name tags off and takes it. Nobody says a word, either. It’s not anything violent, but it demonstrates the lack of decency and respect that permeated."

And this one as well, from the same article:

"Another time, in the visiting locker room in Dallas, I had Rasheed Wallace threaten to punch me after a playoff-game loss. Deadline was approaching, I’m the only writer in the locker room and I’m asking Rasheed questions, and he whips around, and tells me to get out of his space or he’s going to punch me out. At that point, his teammates are all looking to see how I react, and in no way am I going to back down. I’m looking at Rasheed, and thinking if he takes a swing I’m going to try and stuff him into the locker behind him if only because journalists everywhere need me to man up in that situation. Either that, or I’m going to get knocked out and blow my deadline. So I tell him I’m not moving. I just stand there, holding my notepad and recorder, and we’re staring at each other. He eventually storms past me to the shower, and while he’s gone Zach Randolph, a rookie then, leans in to me and says, “When ‘sheed comes back, make sure you don’t have your back to him. He’ll sucker punch you.” The great irony is that a month later Randolph sucker-punched Ruben Patterson during a practice breaking his eye socket. Someone was holding Patterson’s arms when Randolph threw the haymaker. There was a period of a few days after that incident where Randolph hid out at Dale Davis’ house because he feared that Patterson was going to try and shoot him."

Just ridiculous! I sure glad this era is over... it sure puts the Bills' problems to shame!

More March sports takes....

-- The Sharks lost again last night. This time on the road in Vancouver 3-1. Another uninspired effort by San Jose. The floundering squad managed only 29 shots on net (the exact amount they've been averaging over their past 8 games... hmmm...

-- Only Dan Boyle (9), Patrick Marleau (3), and newcomer Travis Moen (3) managed more than 2 shots on goal

-- They may be on a big slide, but it's no fault of Boyle's. The defenseman logged an otherworldly 30 minutes of ice time against the Canucks.

-- Joe Pavelski has been the Sharks' best player over the past month. He does everything you could ask of a player. He scores, backchecks well, kills penalties, blocks shots, and despite his smaller stature, never backs down. Good man, Little Joe.

-- Anyone else flabbergasted that Terrell Owens ended up in Buffalo? Even after knowing about it for 6 hours, seeing him in a Bills hat at that press conference made me do three or four double takes.

-- This is a great move for the Bills. With 90 year-old owner Ralph Wilson eyeing the more lucrative Toronto market, the Bills needed to make a splash somehow. ESPN will now have to pay attention to Buffalo. Good for them. The best things to happen to the city of Buffalo in the last 10 years are the Sabres getting hosed in the '99 Stanley Cup Finals and the movie Bruce Almighty.

-- If Trent Edwards continues where he began last year and their offensive line improves, Buffalo might put up some points. Marshawn Lynch, Lee Evans, and TO ain't bad!

-- Does anyone know exactly where all this Raiders/49ers Owens speculation came from? Is this really what it's come down to? Real sports journalists speculating that Owens would end up with the Raiders because Al Davis is the only one crazy enough to do it? As for the Niners... even the Yorks aren't dumb enough to bring back TO. The guy spit in our faces on his way out of town (just like everywhere else he's been).

-- As of Friday, the San Francisco Giants and Kansas City Royals were leading Spring Training with 17 homers apiece. In case you were wondering if Spring Training is an indication of anything... there's your answer.

-- The Giants made the best move of their offseason by releasing Dave Roberts. His absurd $7M salary is still owed to him, but at least now the Giants can give a more productive player or youngster a roster spot.

-- Interesting moves by the A's this offseason by bringing in Orlando Cabrera and Nomar Garciaparra. Wouldn't it be ironic if this was the season that Bobby Crosby finally broke out? I mean, he was working out and hitting with Mark McGwire all offseason...

That means he's probably stronger and has a better approach at the plate. The A's would love to move him and his $5.25M salary, but won't be able to unless the Yankees make a desperate move. There are rumors that they will try to trade for Crosby or KC's Mark Teahen to play 3rd base until A-Rod gets back. That, or Oakland will have to eat part of his salary, something they don't want to do.

-- The Warriors mess is worse than ever. Don Nelson is positioning himself for a hasty exit. No one knows when it will be, but it will be within the next 6-8 months, I guarantee it. It's his M.O. He did it with the Dubs in the 1990's, did it with the Knicks, and he did it with Dallas.

Look at the things he's been doing lately:

-- Benching one veteran every game to give "the younger guys a chance to play". Hey Nellie, you had every opportunity to get the younger guys in the rotation earlier in the year. Instead you played Stephen Jackson 44 minutes a night.

-- According to the CC Times, he has basically made Jamal Crawford incredibly uncomfortable and angry. Evidently, Nelson has directly told Crawford to opt out of his deal (guaranteed almost $20 million) after the season or that he will be traded. If I'm Crawford, I say, "Alright you motherf---- trade me. I'm not opting out of sh--."

Honestly this was the stupidest thing Nellie has done in awhile. This is like the Knicks-Stephon Marbury thing. If a player is guaranteed a lot of money, the last thing you want to do is tell him to give up that money and try to force him out. Crawford is due the money either way. Now, the Warriors' have no leverage in negotiations with other teams and may have to take back an even worse contract to get rid of Crawford.

-- Monta Ellis is officially a malcontent. He didn't make the Warriors' disatrous 1-3 road trip to attend to family issues in Mississippi. However, there's more to the story. According to the CC Times' Marcus Thompson II, Ellis “has shunned huddles when he’s not in the game, been late to shootaround and practices without reason and–in moments of frustration on the court–has voiced a desire to be traded.”

I don't blame him for being pissed off. Although Crash is the one who ruined his ankle and lied about it, the Warriors should have backed him. Instead, they alienated him, suspended/fined him, and reserved the eternal right to void his $66 million dollar deal. That's not tough love, that's a way to piss off your franchise player.

With Bobby Rowell and Nellie forcing out Chris Mullin, who Monta has a good relationship with, there's no real motivation for Ellis to stay around or to even try to play again this year. He should just pull a T-Mac and shut it down for the year, killing his trade value. I wouldn't blame him at all.

Again, great job Nellie. Trying to bully players into submission doesn't work anymore, especially with guaranteed contracts and salary caps.

-- Oh yeah, the Warriors are totally unwatchable now. I can only view snippets of games and read recaps at this point. It's just too hard to take.