Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Hybrids & Home Makeover

Hey Folks,

I've found more things to rant about. I'll always be finding fault in things, but I'll keep that to a minimum this time. Actually, I have something good to say about something for a change. I'll keep that for last. Let's get the negative out of the way.

THESE HYBRIDS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!! They will not leave me alone. It's like they're following me, popping out of every driveway, and coming around every bend. They are not only gay, but they're also bitch (if you catch my drift). The most popular one is this Toyota Prius. They are selling so fast, that they're on order for months I think. There have been 35,000 sold in California in 2005 alone!!! I mean, these are abnormal looking cars, they don't blend in; although at this rate it's the other cars that will be forced to blend in. Half the time I see some sort of political statement on the back of them in which I disagree, which makes me dislike them more. These vehicles are gutless, and lack any punch, kick, performance, or respectability. They are in escence, a neutered Asian man. A little graphic? Yes. A little weird? Yes. But that's what they are. Take away a car's fully gasoline or diesel powered engine, and you get a quiet, gutless thing with a weird look. Same thing with any dude, I just used the Asian man thing because these are Japanese. AND WOULD IT KILL THESE BASTARDS TO PUT THE SPEEDOMETER AND GAUGES ON THE DRIVER'S SIDE OF THE DASHBOARD WHERE THEY BELONG??? WHY THE HELL DOES IT HAVE TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING THING???

All that being said, I can't blame people for buying them. The cars, as gay and liberal as they are, make a lot of sense. I hate giving them credit, but when the damn things get 60 miles a gallon and you don't have to plug them in, I guess they've got something. Gas is like 2.40 a gallon, and that is bitch. I get 10 miles a gallon. Yeah... it adds up, trust me. On top of it, when you get a damn tax credit for the things because they're eco-friendly, and they only cost 20 grand, there's nothing I can do about it. NO ONE CAN STOP THEM!

That being said. They are bitch. They look bitch. They drive bitch. They look like damn moon-mobiles. They can come talk to me when they can make a hybrid 7.4 liter big block V8. I don't know about you, but my vehicle doesn't sound like a golf cart, and sure as hell doesn't drive like one. Unless gas becomes 4 or 5 dollars a gallon like those ungrateful Europeans have to deal with, I'm sticking with what I got. I won't be caught dead in a foreign hybrid unless something very crazy happens. Just urge alternatives to anyone considering such a drastic and emasculating move (unless they're female, in which case, leave out the emasculating part and insert 'hippie'). I just don't know if I can respect a man who drives a Prius or an Insight. That goes for Scions, Elements, and VW Beetles too. It's just sad when it comes down to that. There are other options! Don't do it!

This leads to my next subject. Yes, another opinion about a TV show. What can I say, I just watch a lot of it.

Again, I hate to make these columns all about TV reviews and such, but I just gotta throw this one out there. I seriously cannot say that I have seen a show that does more for people than ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." I'd seen it once before Sunday's episode, but after this one, this show needed to get some props.

They select families who have gone through some sort of devastation, poverty, or misfortune, and make their dreams come true with a thoughtfully constructed home and all the fixins. This Sunday, they chose a Native American family from Arizona. The family consisted of two young children and their grandparents. The mother of the children, a member of the Arizona National Guard, had recently died while serving her country in Iraq. The family was devastated, and coupled by their poverty and surrounding poverty on the reservation, they were perfect candidates. I remember the grandmother saying, "I'm 57 years-old, and this is the first real house I've ever lived in." That is really saying something. I mean, what a gift. It's about time that these corporations started giving back to the community. ABC and Sears did just that, and do on a weekly basis.

Led by the hyper, big-hearted Ty Pennington, the massive crew goes about building a brand new home for its contestants. They do their best to reflect the family's values, traditions, and do their best to include things that made the old house special. In this case, they did even more. Not only did they build a spectacular home for the family (instead of their old trailer), they built a traditional Navajo cleansing building, while employing men from the reservation, fashioned wind and solar energy devices to alleviate the reservation's power costs, and made a sign and placed it at the top of the mountain named after the fallen soldier. In addition, they also built a large Veteran's hall on the reservation for Native Americans who have fought for the flag. Previously, they had no meeting place for the many Veterans. To see so many heroic men and women, so grateful for something that they've never had was special to see. Grown men were tearing up, and it was just a big emotional lovefest. But truthfully, it was an amazing sight to see these heroes and their families be so appreciative for something that they should have had. Anyway, it is a good show and it does incredible things for people.

Okay, so that's it. Glad you're reading it all. Be sure to read the rest of them too. Hard to believe this is the 6th column. Anyhow, until next time, keep it sleazy.