Friday, December 19, 2008

Why I'm Rooting For the Serbian Serpent


Heh. Serbian Serpent. You gotta love that.

If you do not know who I'm talking about, it's Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevic (I don't use the 'h' at the end because it's an Americanized abomination subtracted from many Slavic surnames and it bothers me... I get upset easily. In fact, this is what it looks like with the weird Cyrillic alphabet: Благојевић). But, I digress.

My "job" on these "blogs" is not to report the news. People with real jobs do that, so all I do is ramble nonsensically about half-formed opinions and unsubstantiated accusations (as if you didn't already know that).

For those of you who know my stances, what I'm about to say may surprise you.

I am rooting for Rod Blagojevic.

Love the guy.

He's so wonderfully absurd, out of place, and gleefully defiant that I cannot help but root for him.

Perhaps it's his haircut--which doesn't look very gubernatorial-- it's like something out of an early 90's movie or something (if anyone has any ideas on what makes his haircut so ridiculous, please contact me immediately.)

Or perhaps it's my strange fascination with Slavic cultures and Communist Russia. The stuff just interests me. I've written multiple papers on Kosovo, and how Clinton and his NATO homies wrecked Belgrade and interfered with less of a reason than Dubya did in Iraq. (Of course I get the whole Russia power play thing, but that's neither here nor there...)

I guess I just have a soft spot for these defiant Serbs who don't give a crap what you think, what evidence you have, or what size caliber weapon you're pointing at their head.

They just take a shot of vodka, look you in the eye, and say, "Bring it on, bitch."

In fact, old Blaggy just said something like that today at a press conference in Chicags (not a typo, I call it Chicags...).

"I will fight, I will fight, I will fight until I take my last breath," he added. "I have done nothing wrong."

Here's another one.

"Accusations leveled against me are an unscrupulous lie and also a tireless distortion of history. Everything has been presented in a lopsided manner..."

Oh yeah, that wasn't Blagojevic.

That last quote was Slobodan Milosevic at his war crimes tribunal at the Hague. I love it.

Look I'm not saying I defend the Blagster or Milosevic. Milosevic was pretty brutal in some of his tactics, and there was certainly a degree of war crimes that took place under his direction-- don't get me wrong. There is just something about the way these guys react when everything is stacked up against them and they're backed into a corner. They could roll over and take the punishment they're due (like a normal person), or they can fight like their very livelihoods depend on it. Blaggy and Milosevic choose the latter.

I did a little research on this Blagojevic fella (Wikipedia session obviously), and sorta put two and two together.

He was born to first generation Serbian immigrants in Chicago, and had to scrap and fight his way up the food chain. He worked as a shoe shine boy, pizza delivery boy, and worked in a meat packing plant. Meat packing has got to be dreadfully unpleasant by the way. It's the type of hardscrabble story that warms the hearts of people looking for glowing examples of the American Dream.

He didn't really like school all that much, but managed to squeak out a Bachelor's degree from Northwestern and a Law Degree from Pepperdine. A few opportunities and a couple feet in the door later, he was a US Congressman, then elected governor of the great state of Illinois.

It's a great rise to power, I've gotta say. It's impressive. I also like the fact that his own party can't stand him, because of his stubbornness and his "goin' his own way attitude."

I've also begun to understand why he was so audacious as to attempt to sell a US Senate seat. It wasn't just the standard old greed excuse. It was something deeper. The guy had to fight a lot for most of what he got, and he has a massive chip on his shoulder. That's the kind of thing that drives people to do stupid things.

More than anything, what delights me about this situation is that Blaggy is causing a huge headache for President-Elect Obama. I'm fairly certain Obamy (or in some parts of the country O'Bamie) is a straight shooter, and I doubt he'll allow himself to be spoiled by Blaggy the bad apple.

As diehard conservatives stung by our recent loss of power, these little things keep our spirits up. This is like a nice booze-spiked eggnog or cider on a cold December evening. It is certainly not a crisis, so we can have a good belly laugh over it.

And just to set the record straight. I am not rooting for Obama to fail; I wish the opposite. Rooting against the President to bring safety and prosperity to my country would be asinine and unpatriotic. What do you think I am? A liberal Democrat??

As entertained as we Republicans are, Obama and his newly-appointed Illinois cronies are not the slightest bit amused. They just spent two years trying to prove to people that they were legitimate. Then Blag-o-rama-vich had to go and try to sell the President-Elect's Senate seat... ON TAPE!

I've heard terms like "Illinois politics as usual" thrown around. I don't fully understand it, but if this is the way you people do business (at least you Democrats), it makes me a little uneasy about the Obama Administration. From the Big Kahuna himself and his little attack/lapdog Rahm Emmanuel, all the way down through Senator Dick Durbin, and members of the Illinois State Assembly-- we've all got our eyes on you now.

What in hell is exactly is going on over there?

Anyway, the bottom line is that I'm enjoying the Blagojevic show. It's the same reason why we might watch My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT or the way we cheer when George Parros and Jody Shelley break out into a vicious fistfight during an NHL game. It's a total circus, and I for one am entertained thus far.

Keep fighting Blaggy. Fight until you take your last breath. I'm rooting for you buddy.

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